i have lost my origin… and i don’t want to find it again.
lust for comfort
suffocates the soul
this relentless
restlessness
liberates me
sets me free
“did I imagine it would be like this, was it something like this I wished for… or will I want more?” — Wanderlust by Björk; from the album “Volta.”
Good evening, morning, or afternoon my dear readers.
And if you’re caught somewhere in-between, I’m sorry I could not more personally accommodate you with a specific greeting, so this may have to do for now.
I’m here to tell you yet another story of my life. I suppose that is the real point to this blogging activity of which I just can’t get enough. But which story and how much I’m to tell you, I’m not sure. Some sort of update would suffice, with the right mixture of wit, humour, and sarcasm. Though I’m not sure I’ll be getting the recipe right addressing my limited audience like this. I do hope addressing you directly is not weird or anything. I just feel up to breaking myself from the routine.
And I would sure like to type as much as I can in this mindset before fatigue grips me like a lost child and I find myself in a land of subconscious filing (read: dreams.)
—
In the last eleven days, my loves, I managed to play the part in a five-day long relationship. Now I must deal with the awkward task of telling those who don’t know that it is over.
Truly, I’m not as affected with this event as one might think I should be. The five days really just helped me realize that rushing myself into a relationship is stupid, not that I didn’t know this before. It provided me with the backing so that I can, in the future, point to this event and say “see, I do know what I’m talking about.” However, that was not my intention at first.
Now I just see that five-period as a way of healing severely old wounds and cutting off any tethers I might’ve had.
Though sadly it has left me craving someone (perhaps in particular? I shall never tell) a little more than before. Though, now it’s more a craving for the emotional exchange than just a “going-out” relationship, which I swore of ages ago. I’m desiring someone to share my emotions with and have a relationship with, not just a fling.
And I will admit it, there is someone that I -might- be considering, or have in mind. But that’s enough of him.
(I figure if I admit it it’ll assuage my desire just enough to allow me to sleep.)
But let me say though, with this person that I am refusing to mention further, I am taking all steps at a snails pace. There exists not even a whiff of romance and, despite how much I would like to think there may be (romance that is,) I understand and love that I’m allowing myself to move slow.
The speed just feels right, however, I truly hope it doesn’t come back to bite me. Though, I suppose a nice, big (and metaphorical) chomp to the rear would be all I need.
I just hope deep down it isn’t.
—
Though, for now, I must part.
I am tired enough to lay myself down to rest, and submitting this entry will in itself be a challenge.
Thank you loves, for your time. If you’ve made it thus far in the entry and read all of the above, thank you again.
If not, well, one day you’ll get a little more thank you when you do.
Until my return dear ones,
– matthew.